When you hear the word socialisation, what comes to mind?

For many of us, it’s the outdated advice we were once given: take your puppy everywhere, expose them to dozens of people, dogs, and environments as quickly as possible. Tick all the boxes. Push through their fears.

But what if we’ve been doing it wrong?

Socialisation, when done right, isn’t about checking off a list. It’s about helping your dog feel safe, understood, and empowered to explore the world at their own pace.

In this post, I want to show you a different way, a way that aligns with your values as a woman who loves her dog deeply and wants what’s best for them. This approach is inspired by the teachings of the Nordic Dog Trainer and the Calming Signals Approach. It’s a respectful, emotionally supportive way of introducing your dog to the world around them.

What is “Right” Socialisation?

Right socialisation isn’t about flooding your dog with experiences. It’s about teaching them how to navigate the world calmly and confidently, without fear or pressure. It respects the dog as an individual, honours their communication style, and supports their emotional wellbeing.

This approach is rooted in calming signals, subtle body language cues dogs use to express discomfort, stress, or the desire to de-escalate a situation. When we learn to recognise and respond to these signals, we open the door to true communication and trust.

Let’s take a closer look at how to get it right.

1. Respect the Needs of Each Individual Dog

Every dog is different. Some are outgoing and adventurous. Others are more cautious, sensitive, or reserved. Right socialisation acknowledges these differences and avoids a one-size-fits-all approach.

Just like us, dogs have unique comfort zones and personalities. Forcing a shy or nervous dog into a high-energy dog park or a noisy café isn't going to help them “get used to it”. It’s likely to overwhelm them and damage their trust in you.

The goal is not to make your dog like everything. The goal is to help them feel safe and heard.

2. Observe Their Calming Signals

Your dog is constantly communicating with you.

Licking their lips, turning their head away, yawning, sniffing the ground—these are all calming signals. They're signs your dog is feeling uncertain or stressed and is trying to de-escalate the situation.

If we miss or ignore these signals, we risk pushing them too far. But if we notice and respect them, we allow our dog to self-regulate and trust that we’ve got their back.

Socialisation done right means watching closely and adjusting the situation when your dog tells you, “This is too much.”

3. Use Gradual and Controlled Exposure

The world is a big, noisy, unpredictable place. And for your dog, especially puppies and adolescents, it can be a lot to process.

That’s why slow, controlled exposure is so important.

Don’t throw your dog into the deep end. Instead, gently introduce them to new environments, people, or animals at a pace they’re comfortable with. One calm, positive experience is far more beneficial than ten overwhelming ones.

Think of it like building a foundation: steady, intentional layers that help your dog feel secure.

4. Focus on Quality, Not Quantity

We were once told to expose our dogs to as many people, dogs, surfaces, and situations as possible. But we know better now.

More isn’t always better. Better is better.

Through my studies with Dr. Tom Mitchell (AbsoluteDogs, and now Help My Dog), I learned that it takes multiple positive interactions to override a single negative one. And those negative experiences, even if they might seem minor to us, can set your dog back significantly.

Even exciting, non-scary experiences create a buildup of arousal and stress hormones. It can take up to 72 hours for your dog’s stress levels to return to baseline. That’s why daily outings to new places can actually hinder your dog’s progress instead of helping.

Build in rest days. Let their nervous system decompress. It’s part of the process.

5. Empower Your Dog To Make Their Own Choices

Choice builds confidence.

When your dog is allowed to choose whether to approach, sniff, or hang back, they feel safe. And safety is the foundation of confidence.

The best way to help a fearful or unsure dog build their self-confidence and be less fearful? Let them have choice. Let them decide whether they want to step back or move forwards.

If they don’t want to be touched or say hello, that’s okay. Respecting their decision sends a powerful message: I see you. I hear you. You’re safe with me.

6. Avoid Forced Interactions

Your dog should never be forced into interactions they’re uncomfortable with.

A lot of well-meaning advice still encourages this: “Just let them play!” or “He’ll get used to it.” But for a dog who needs space, or is anxious or uncertain, this can be deeply damaging.

Pushing your dog into an interaction when they’re clearly saying no, whether it’s with a stranger, a child, or another dog, damages their trust in you.

Instead, be their advocate. Protect their space. Honour their needs.

7. Promote Positive Associations

Dogs learn through association.

If every new experience is paired with safety, choice, and calmness, your dog will begin to associate new things with positive feelings.

But if they’re constantly overwhelmed or unsure, they’ll start to associate the world with fear. And that’s where behaviour problems begin.

Positive associations come from:

Letting your dog choose how to engage
Giving them time to observe without pressure
Staying calm and encouraging

It’s not about throwing treats at every problem. It’s about creating an experience your dog feels good about. Emotionally, physically, and mentally.

Final Thoughts

Right socialisation is more than just a checklist—it’s a mindset.

It’s about slowing down. Tuning in. Choosing empathy over exposure. And understanding that your dog is not here to perform or fit a mould, they’re here to be your partner, your companion, your family.

By honouring their emotional state, respecting their communication, and building trust through choice, you’re helping your dog grow into a confident, socially resilient companion. All without ever having to push them too far.